Ladies and gentlemen, I'm ashamed to admit that I gave up on this Live Blog.
When I sit down with a big thermos of coffee on a comfy couch to write commentary for our loyal customers- the last thing I'm expecting is a punch to the gut compliments of a 150 yard kick return on the opening kickoff.
I sat and contemplated trading in my coffee for a strong drink on Dickson (Shoutout to the new "Saturday Routine" shirt) but thankfully just sat dazed until my roommate knocked on the door to check on my well being.
I came to just in time to watch a football limp through the air towards the goal post and clang off of it.
Imagine my shock when I saw it was kicked by Tennessee, and the game was somehow tied.
As I'm writing this, UTK just drove the field again and made a field goal to pull ahead by 3.
So lets pick things up and pretend like this is the beginning, and also pretend that this won't end in tears.
8:45- Big third down for the Razorbacks. Hogs line up in the shotgun. Tennessee almost picks off the pass and hogs punt.
8:11- UTK has another great return giving them field position starting at the 50.
7:22- As UTK is driving, they appear to fumble the ball, but ref says they recover. Linebacker williams just announced as out for the game.
5:28- ARKANSAS RECOVERS FUMBLE Starting from own 10 yard line. Collins shakes and bakes for 5 yard gain to give some more breathing room.
5:28- Referee is injured on the play and the alternate clearly looks unprepared. Maybe had a few drinks at a tailgate outside the stadium before sneaking in.
3:48- Injury timeout. 2 Hog players hurt on 2 consecutive plays. This is rough.
2:20- Tenessee returns a kick for a touchdown. But I channel my inner high school student section and chant "YOU CAN'T DO THAT" when I see the bock in the back flag fly out.
0:03- Brandon Allen does a beautiful acting job to get the unnecessary roughness penalty. 26 yard field goal pending.
FIELD GOAL GOOD!
15:00- Huge pass on first play out of the gate as Brandon Allen rolls to his left and fires one in.
14:00- Collins breaks up for 16 yard gain!!!!!!
13:10- The Hogs are hitting that line, hitting that line, and marching the ball right down the field.
11:15- Brandon Allen accurate again for 15 yards! First and goal from the 3 yard line for the hogs. At risk of taking my shirt off and doing the hog call if we can punch this in.
10:00- We punched it in!!!! Decided to keep the shirt on because my dog is looking at me suspiciously, afraid he set up a camera somewhere to blackmail me for treats later.
8:13- UTK is driving towards the endzone.
7:50- UTK kicks another field goal, it hits the upright AGAIN, and then goes in. What are they sacrificing to the Football Gods?
5:30- Razorbacks have the ball and are driving. Hunter Henry with the huge grab!!!!!! 20 yard gain. That's why he's the number one rated tight end in the country.
4:43- The announcers are singing Brandon Allen's praises and I can't disagree. He's not Ryan Mallet, or even Tyler Wilson, but he's good. And that should be good enough for us.
4:00- Our Freshman back Williams is carrying a much larger load and is pushing towards 100 yards.
2:47- Arkansas lines up in the wildcat, and UTK freaks out. Tennessee calls a timeout and wonders whether there was a rip in the fabric of the Space time continuum.
1:48- Allen scrambling!!! Ends up throwing it away to save the field goal attempt.
1:44- The field goal is blocked. I accept this with the anger, yet ultimate resignation of an out of touch father when his daughter comes home with a Mohawked guy named "Asher."
:06- The Razorbacks D holds remarkably well, and punts to the Razorbacks to end the quarter.
Sitting with white knuckles nervously tapping these keys...I know what the 4th quarter means. It's like going skiing once a year. Right when you're confident enough to take a black, you tumble down the mountain. You promise yourself that you won't ever do that again. But there you are again next year.
15:00- Collins breaks off an awesome 10 yard run. Let's just milk that clock!!!
13:26- Brandon Allen puts the team on his back and converts the 4th down to a FIRST DOWN
11:34- This Freshman Williams kid is running like he picked himself in Draft Kings. 2nd and 10 coming up.
11:11- Allen drops back and completes to Drew Morgan. I'm going to pretend like I knew Drew Morgan was going to be this good this year. Or even that I knew Drew Morgan was on the team.
10:00- IN THE RED ZONE. DON'T MESS IT UP. We messed it up. 4th down. Please make this kick.
8:40- Kick is faked. And we're stopped short. I can't make this up. Who is writing this script? Can they write in free ice cream for the live blogger whose livelihood depends on the athletic success of the Razorbacks?
8:24- Bielema drinking Gatorade on the sideline with the gravity of one receiving Last Communion.
8:17- Huge 3rd down stand for the Razorbacks stopping Tennessee.
TEN FUMBLE AND WE don't recover it. Still though. 4th down and UTK has to punt.
7:30- Tennessee punts and the Razorbacks will start from the 50 yard line. The announcer just asked "Who can be clutch?" with a sublime jab of dry, dark humor that, until now, had never been seen outside of English Premier League.
7:00- Is 7 minutes a lot of time, or hardly any? Who knows these things. 2nd and 3 for Arkansas and Collins rushes for 1 yard, leading to 3rd and 2.
5:30- Collins slips on the 3rd down carry and forces Arkansas to punt. Please, for the love of Frank Broyles don't fake this.
4:00- 2nd & 13 for Tennessee AND THEY THROWBACK QBS GOING DEEP too long. 3rd and 13 now. Geez that was stressful.
3:45- Biggest 3rd down of game is converted for a 19 yard gain for Tennessee. First and 10. Tennessee from their own 45 coming up.
Tennessee's commercials are awful. We need to bring back the dude hand chiseling everyone's name into Senior Walk. Even though that would take literal years for a single class.
2:37- UTK takes a sack and throws an incomplete pass! 4th &13 coming up!!!!!!! We got them!!! No way we mess this up!!!!
2:26- TURNOVER ON DOWNS!!! WE'RE GOING TO THE SHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!
2:21- If Dumbledore were a College Football fan, his Patronus would be Alex Collins. Pure power and grace keeping the evil at bay. Collins powers it forward and gets the first down. This game is over.
We're going to win.
We're going to win?
We're going to win.
Why don't I feel happier?